• Aching for a Visit

There’s a really powerful video circulating right now, of a man named Alan Beam being interviewed by his wife. In it, he shares how he is aching for a visit from his friends, who no longer visit now that he has Alzheimer’s Disease. I didn’t really have to watch it to get a sense of how terribly sad his situation is, but then I decided to watch it anyway and had a good cry. (You can see the Global news version here as long as they keep the link active or try this one -> Global News Link.

This man’s story is so familiar to us, because our clients here at Elder Move tell us the same kinds of things. Many seniors, no matter where they live or what their circumstances are, feel isolated and ignored because people just don’t visit them. Holidays are a heartbreaking time for us to visit different facilities, as residents are often completely alone. There are lots of reasons for this, not the least of which is that often it can be extremely difficult or not recommended for residents to leave their residence to spend the holidays in the care of their family. I remember how hard it was to transport my grandmother to our Christmas festivities, but it was so important that she be there we just made it work when she was healthy enough to do so. As she became more fragile though, it did get a lot harder and after a few years we had to take Christmas to her rather than bring her to Christmas. While I understand why some families won’t come visit their seniors until after all the holiday hubbub has wrapped up, I hope they realize how hard that is for the grandma’s and grampa’s who are left out.

I heard of one facility just this past Christmas where there was an outbreak of a contagious illness during the holidays, and no visitors were allowed at the facility for nine days! There was no way around it given how contagious things were, and it practically ruined Christmas for some residents and their families, but was hardly different than any other day for others.

I’d love to see better access to technology for residents in all facilities, so they can access a webcam and say hi to their loved ones, and chat just like they would by phone. Some residents have private phones of course, others have cell phones (though theft and fraility make them a target) so a better plan is needed.

Some facilities have great programs for their residents, connecting them outside to the community, and keeping people engaged inside with some pretty amazing activities. We see people dancing, doing  exercise classes, singing in choirs, painting, woodworking, and much more. One of the places we often visit has a billiards room with tables for games, a huge screen for watching movies, and a karaoke machine. That’s a high energy, vibrant place and we are really thrilled to see so many of these types of residences being built. The residents love them.

When my own grandmother moved into an extended care facility, she had experienced a stroke. Her symptoms had a pretty big impact on knitting, which truly perplexed her (and us!). She had been an admirable knitter her whole life, turning out great volumes of delicately knitted sweaters, cardigans, baby layettes, afghans, and more. After her stroke, there was an obvious breakdown in her cognitive abilities, where she could still read a pattern, but she couldn’t get her hands to follow the directions in her mind. This frustrated her to no end, and although she did not finish another knitting project after her stroke, she was able to attend knitting classes in her facility and to offer instruction to other residents and at least was out and about being social and not feeling confined to her room.

If you know a senior – whether they are part of your family or they are a friend – who is alone and would appreciate some company, please go and see them. If you aren’t sure what to talk about, then take the advice of the man in the video at the beginning of this post, and talk to them just as you would have before they got ill. Don’t use the excuse that you want to remember them “just the way they were.” They need you now, just the way you are. Your visit and compassion would mean the world to them.